9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
