I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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