is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
