Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
