I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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