Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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