I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
