he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
