I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
