Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
