Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we should paint friendship bongs
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
