I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
