On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
