The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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