That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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