Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
