This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
