i jhust puked up my retainher.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
