I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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