so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
