i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
