I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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