i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Who died my cat blue again?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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