The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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