Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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