I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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