Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
