I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
