please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
