did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
