my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
