it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
