listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
