My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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