my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
