He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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