I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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