I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
