Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
