I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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