I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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