tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
