You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
