Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
