Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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