Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
