he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
