sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
