I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
