I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
