when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
