I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
