yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
