I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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